I won't lie, I have a mild panic attack every time I give my work to someone else to read. Every. Single. Time. I know literature is completely subjective and I am very well aware that not everyone will enjoy my style of writing. But that doesn't mean I don't want everyone to enjoy it. It's just human nature, everybody wants to be liked and accepted. And if you run into someone that argues that they are so cool and aloof that the acceptance of others is inconsequential to them then you just go ahead and tell them that I said they are a big, fat liar. When it comes to my writing, I put my heart and soul into it and I care how it is perceived by others.
As I have mentioned before THE CONDUIT is currently in the hands of author T.L. Cooper for further editing. When I first sent it to her my stomach was tied in knots about the feedback I would receive. What if she hates it? What if she tells me a preschooler with a crayon could pen a better novel?! What if I'm kidding myself and have no talent for writing what-so-ever?! Maybe I should just give up this whole dream and go live under a bridge somewhere to hide my shame! (Don't act surprised by my flair for the dramatic. Hello--fiction writer!)
However she recently sent me a short message that put my mind at ease. I was obsessing about ideas I have for further changes and was being a pest by giving her tips on what she should look for in my book. Translation; I was pointing out what I believe to be flaws in my own manuscript. How much sense does that make? That's like going on a first date and stating up front that you're high maintenance and a stage 5 clinger. It's just bad advertising.
So how did T.L. handle my outbreak of OCD? With a calm and understanding that I deeply appreciate. Her suggestion, "Put the manuscript down and step away" may seem simple, but from one writer to another we know EXACTLY how difficult that is. Once the wheels get turning with an idea it is next to impossible to stop them. It's the whole "an object in motion wants to stay in motion" theory. However by her saying that, my trust in her expanded exponentially (that my friends is a fifty cent word). I knew from the beginning that she was a talented writer, that's why I asked for her assistance. But now I feel a kinship of mutual understanding of just how stressful all of this can be. That being said, for now I am going to stop stresing and leave THE CONDUIT in her very capable hands. After all, I do have another manuscript I'm supposed to be editing...
To my peer and friend T.L. Cooper I say; thank you for your time and understanding and I appreciate the part you are playing in helping THE CONDUIT reach its full potential. (PS-I'm not a stage 5 clinger. At my worst I'm like a 3.)